11/08 : Events of the DayToday I started a new job. There is no creativity involved at all. The people there are mostly young, which is okay, but we'll see. Orientation at a new place is normally quite uninformative and rather mundane; I was not disappointed. Mostly we sat there and read to each other or listened to them prattle on about how they didn't like a campaign they had worked on previously. It was difficult to stay awake.
I realize that I didn't approach the job with guns blazing and a positive attitude. I also understand that if we didn't need the money so bad I wouldn't have even showed up. I really want to go to school and get a degree in English. I wish that I could afford to do it. I'd rather go to school to make more money in the long term. Sometimes I just don't understand why I believed all the things I was told when I was younger. Sometimes I wonder why that nasty voice in the back of my head is still trying to keep me from being wonderful. It doesn't always succeed, but it sure does try hard.
I'd like to have an English degree so I could do what I love. I would love to tutor people to help them learn to speak and write English properly. I'm not perfect, but I have my own style, which I realize is something most people don't have. I want to create.
But, here I am working a job I don't want because it is a means to an end. I feel disgruntled, resentful, and painfully aware of our dire financial situation. Would I trade any of this for anything? Not a single bill owed.
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