Discover Mare Martell

31/01 :  What would you do?

   Once there was a boy about six years old. He lived in an extremely chaotic home, but survived by drinking the alcohol that was given to him at night. The alcohol made him sleepy and he was able to sleep at night. This went on for several years. In the mean time, this little boy loses his brother because of a custody battle between his parental figures and the father of his brother. He is left alone with the chaos and an Uncle with Cerebral Palsy.

Not long after that, the Uncle goes on vacation with family members and doesn't return. The boy is now left alone in the chaos with no tools to deal with any of it. Flash a couple of years into the future and his Grand/mother becomes sick with Cancer and dies in the middle of the night. At that point, the boy splits. Not even a month after his Grand/mother dies, his father figure moves a woman in to "take care of things." She drinks so much alcohol and does so many drugs that she commonly blacks out. During several of her blackouts, she sexually abuses the boy. She doesn't remember it. All the boy remembers is waking up to his pants being removed by her, screaming for help that didn't come, then comes another split.

In order to deal with the pain in this sensitive boy's soul, he continues to split. Because of the violence he witnesses with the drug dealers he ran with, he continues to split even more. By the time he reaches his Aunt's house, there are around twenty or so people trying to drive his bus (brain).

This may seem like fiction or something contrived, but sadly, it is not. The first time I realized I wasn't talking to the boy, it was surprising, but I thought he was just in an odd mood. It didn't occur to me that the voices he'd been hearing since he was about six were still manifesting. I didn't recognize the different people until the boy had a major meltdown. So far, I've counted about six or seven that talk differently, sit differently, hold their expressions differently.

If you have ever heard a black man's deep voice coming out of a white teen, then you've experienced what I've seen. The ones I have identified because they tell me their names are:

1. Marcus: He's really smooth, black, and really chill. He talks in a deep voice that sounds almost like Barry White. He's the one that talks to me and tells me not to worry, he's got my back. I hear and see him when drugs are the topic.
   
   
2. Johnny/Jake: He's about six years old and petrified of everything. He rocks back and forth a lot as well as covering his mouth and washing his hands. His voice is small and tiny like you'd expect from a small child. This one comes out when the fear is too strong.
   
   
3. Scott: He's the most violent of them all. He could set fire to the house and not give a shit. He has no conscience. He is constantly angry, rarely pacified. This one has yet to manifest, but he warns that he is arriving long before he shows up. This one usually will arrive when cornered.
   
   
4. Steve, The Know-It-All: This one will answer questions in such a manner that there is not a single emotion displayed. Just the facts, ma'am. This one is male, but he refuses to give his name. He knows what every one is doing. I think this one or Marcus are the two I see the most. This one comes out when things need to be simplified and explained in a no-nonsense style. He is the gatekeeper.
   
   
5. The Woman: She screams at the top of her lungs like she can't hear what you're saying to her. It's usually when the stress level reaches peak. She usually screams questioning words like, "WHAT?! WHO?! WHEN?! WHERE?!" She doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet.
   
   
6. The Catholic: This one prays and asks for absolution while praying for the demons to leave. The hands make the motions of doing the rosary although there hasn't been any exposure to that religion.
   
   
7. The Gay Guy: He is the one that performed acts that are normal for a gay male, but not for a heterosexual male. It would not surprise me if this guy, when integrated, came out of the closet all the way. He showed up in sexual situations with males that abused him. I've not seen him, but I've heard him.
   
   
8. Wayne: He's the shy wallflower that doesn't like people listening to him or looking at him. He warns when the others are coming out to play. He is painfully afraid of people's judgment.
   

I'm trying desperately to get people to understand what is happening. When I call the crisis team because of another meltdown, they take their sweet time getting here. By the time they arrive, the boy is already calmed down by me. It pisses me off to no end to see what needs to be done, but not being able to achieve that because of red-tape. Again I state, I am Durga. I will conquer the demons that plague him. I will prosecute if he is taken against court order. I will win. The boy deserves a happy ending.