News Item: : The New Year is Coming!
Thursday December 23 2010 - 01:01:30
If you have a whip and some chains, I am your servant. So much has been happening in my life that I've been too lazy to update my home on the web. I've made time for Facebook, Mir's Woulda Coulda, The Daily What, and my telephone. Speed dating me should be easy if you follow this simple little list of the things that have occurred recently in my life.
- After 15 years of being estranged from my mother, we have reunited (and it feels so good). My brother, bless him please, acted as messenger even though it could have caused a rift for him as well. I am grateful he took the risk. I called my mother after my brother gave me her number. It only took me a week to get up the courage. What I figured out by having Matthew in my home is that sometimes you have to do things that you thought you'd never do. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions to protect yourself and your child. My mother did those things, but I was so blinded by anger and resentment that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Matthew opened my eyes and healed my wounded soul. My mother, bless her too, accepted me as I am. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to finally have her back in my life. It took me long enough.
- Matthew has been dealing with a LOT of emotional trauma as of late. He was getting so overloaded at school that he just walked out one afternoon and didn't bother to let me know he had. The next day he had such a major meltdown that we decided to get him some intensive help. He was gone for five days. It was hard, terrifying, frustrating, and horrible all around. Again, I say thank you to my mother for being so supportive while I was dealing with all sorts of emotions.
- Dealing with the system is never easy, but it's been exceptionally difficult when they refused to pay for the medication combination that actually helped Matthew. I have several advocates that are doing their best to help me take care of him. I am very grateful for them and their assistance.
- Back in October my father was granted phone and therapist visitation with Matthew. He has refused all contact which is hateful and hurtful to Matthew. I'm angry with him for disregarding Matthew. Fifteen years and he doesn't care? Or is it that he's given up? I'd bet on both of them and win.
- My husband decided that I wasn't doing a good job with the finances. He removed them from my care without letting me know. He then allocated $100.00 every two weeks for me to purchase groceries and other household necessities for three people. He gets upset if he doesn't see the results of them which leaves me with bringing home receipts. That's crap. I'm diligently looking for work so that I can keep the money that should be shared in my own bank account. It was a betrayal of trust that I'm still not keen on.
- The police here in Oak Ridge, well two officers anyway, decided to tell the neighbors that I called them. I called them because I witnessed the neighbors beating on their kids through their kitchen window. It is apparently against the law for them to do that. However, that isn't the case. The mother showed up at my house when I wasn't home and ripped into my husband about my calling. It's ridiculous. To top it all off, the eldest daughter heard the police tell them my name. I'm not happy about it at all.
- Thanks to Astarte and her group S.I.P. (Sisterhood is Powerful), Matthew and Jon got some really nice things for Yule. Matthew got a purple coat, a television, and many other things. I'm so proud that he thanked everyone without being prompted. He really is awesome.
- The following night, we went to Yarrow's Witchwood for our second Yule celebration. I really don't remember feeling that full of love and laughter as I did that night (not for a long time before Astarte's anyway). Pictures of me turned out so pretty that I couldn't believe it was me. I really, truly had to do a double take. I couldn't believe it was me. I think I said that, but oh well. I really looked pretty, well put together, and full of life. Funny how that lends to the next one.
- I've been battling major depression since October of last year (2009). It came to a head in September when I began to think of suicide. At first it was once or twice, then it progressed to where I couldn't do anything but think of ways to die. I realize that I'm hanging my ass out here, but I think that it's important to show that if you do stick it out, work hard with your doctor and/or therapist, that you can come through it. I feel strong. I feel hopeful. I feel confident. I feel grateful. I couldn't have done it without the love and support of my dear Circle Sisters and my therapist/anti-depressants. I'm glad that I'm alive to write this. I hope I remember to read this should the symptoms reappear in the future.
- For a while there, I wasn't sure what was going on in my life. Everything seemed to be foggy (probably because of the depression) and displaced. I thought I'd be getting to a good place and something else would happen. A teenager on Facebook asked why life couldn't be easy. My response was, because if it were easy it would be worse than boring. I'll take mine interesting please.
So much more has happened, but that's the general jist of it. My goal for next year is to be dedicated to updating way more often than I did this year. I didn't do so well although I vowed I would. Here's to 2011 and more blogging in the blogosphere. Happy Holidays.
This news item is from Discover Mare Martell
( http://www.maremartell.com/news.php?extend.475 )